Making a Lasting Resolution

As the New Year’s looms closer, especially after the hot mess of 2020, we look forward to 2021 with baited anticipation. A new year full of unlimited potentials, a clean chapter to our lives and a promise that suggests we can do it “for real” this time. Many of us, itching for change, have hope in the upcoming year and it’s pristine slate. However, many of us also write down a list of goals for the coming year without a lot of great insight about the HOW. Year after year, we pen the New Year’s promise, only to bail on our resolutions 1,2, 3 weeks (dare I say, mere days or hours for some of us?) into the New Year. For those of us with more resolve, we may make it a few months. We wind up chucking our resolutions, staring down a cold, pointless remainder of the year without a goal in sight.

I’ve seen many people completely chunk resolutions altogether, defying the trend to change at all. They sit firmly in their resolves to “not resolve anything” thank-you-very-much. They scoff at others New Year’s resolutions as fruitless attempts at change after having been burned one too many times on not being able to create effective change or never giving the New Years resolution a second thought.

So what gives? Why are so many failing to create lasting change? It all winds up being trapped in the HOW. We set out in pursuit of either goals far too unrealistic, or we set out without developing a plan around the goals. So let’s talk about how to create effective and lasting change.

Step One: Dream Big (but make sure it fits)

I love dreaming big. Dreaming big can be one of the most useful aspects of living life with passion and purpose. In fact, I’d recommend it for long term. BUT, when we are working on creating lasting change, we have to believe we are not only capable of the resolutions we are setting but have to be able to envision that we can actually see ourselves crossing the finish line. Think about the overall big picture of where you’d love to be. Then, think of the smaller pictures that may get you there.

Want to save money? Great. If you want to be a millionaire in 5 years make sure you have the current capacity to envision this happening and it’s not just a lofty idea. Too many times people develop beautiful sounding resolutions that don’t have any teeth. These wind up being what I refer to as “lottery ticket goals”. You’re going to buy the ticket, say some prayers and hope that you’ll somehow meet your goal by year end. Don’t do that. Keep it simple. Make sure it’s something you know you have the capacity to do. We want to stretch ourselves but not create a goal our current self has no ability to understand how to meet.

Step Two: Stay focused

Another way we wreck our goals is by creating too many. This creates difficulties for us in pinning down how to live with purpose. We wind up spending our days either trying to fit it all in or conversely giving up at the starting gate because it is too much. Try sticking to less than a handful of goals. I recommend 3 as a great starting point. While this may feel anticlimactic for those wanting to embrace the year with renewed vigor, creating too many goals oftentimes leads to burnout and difficulties with goal completion. Have you ever gone to eat at a restaurant only to get overwhelmed with a large, comprehensive menu? Surprisingly, research supports that it’s easier to make a choice when there are less options available to us. So, focus. Keep it simple and envision only a few goals. If you meet those goals 4 months into the new year, great!! You can always create more. Wouldn’t that be wonderful to create and accomplish a goal you’ve set out and then are forced to creating new ones to keep yourself going?

Step Three: Break. It. Down.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry is credited with saying, “a goal without a plan is just a wish.” If your New Years Resolution is to “eat better” just don’t wake up on January 1st eating nuts and lettuce. One of the worst ways I’ve seen people make change is to go full out with dramatic life change. I’ve met many people who thought training for a half marathon meant they just needed to “go out and run.” So they go out, run a little, get beat, and do it again the next day. There is no plan, no timing, no understanding of how the body changes or needs to rest. If you want to make lasting change, break it down into smaller tasks that have a week-by-week build. This helps you actually build on the prior week’s accomplishments without overwhelming you. I know countless people who’ve said, “I know what to do, I just don’t do it.” When inquiring further, they really don’t know what to do, they know overarching goals they’d want to get to but don’t know how to make a formula to make it stick. There is a big difference between knowing you need to put money back or eat leafy greens and more fruit and how this relates to systemic and planned change. It’s better to create a goal to eat one leafy green servings of vegetables 5 out of the next 7 days. This focuses on creating a HABIT that is measurable and therefore repeatable. This is also not an all-or nothing approach to goal setting.

Step Four: Ask for Help

I had to take an IQ test back in my doctoral studies prior to giving it to others. I discovered that, while certainly not a genius, I’m relatively smart. This leads me to my last point: ask for help. I had 3 graduate degrees and one undergrad degree, all in psychology. I could write an entire dissertation on emotions but when pressed by my then-therapist, I couldn’t actually identify the emotion I was experiencing. Intelligence, while great, doesn’t account for everything we need in life. I discovered through my own journey the benefit of having someone skilled along the path of discovery. Have you attempted to save but found yourself still living paycheck to paycheck, year after year? Hire a financial advisor who can help you make your money work for you instead of trying to figure it out on your own. Do you know what you need to eat but find yourself not eating it? A skilled dietician will assist with helping you navigate the optimum diet and the foods you enjoy, while wading through trigger foods and emotional eating.

Likewise, make sure the help you are getting is sound. As a specialist in the field of eating disorders and addictions I’ve uncovered a variety of well-meaning therapists who gave really unsound advice to people searching for answers. These were amazing therapists that I knew personally and professionally who really just did not understand some things about specific areas of treatment. I never hesitate to spend money on someone who specializes because I realize that they may have a particular skill set that I don’t.

Reach out. Weirdly it will likely shorten the amount of money you spend in the long run and will greatly improve the benefits you’re seeking.

Step Five: Keep Checking and Re-creating Goals

Sadly most of us only envision who our best self could be once a year: New Year’s. An aspect of successful goal completion has to involve discovery and re-creation. Why? Because sometimes we get half way into a goal and realize it was more complicated than we had hoped or planned.

What if you were driving to another state to visit a friend for the very first time and construction ended your path and detoured your travels? What if your GPS lost its signal on a particular stretch? Would you give up and drive back home or would you pull out a paper map, ask for help from a nearby gas station attendant or find some other way to press forward? If it was important enough to you, you’d likely keep going.

As you’re considering the changes you want to embrace for 2021, keep in mind the steps you need to take to create lasting change and make this the year you keep your resolutions. Above all, continue to strive for a better you and dreaming of your best life.